10,000 Miles

Michayla

It’s been 3,419 days since you left. How many miles I wonder.

This morning is heavy with sadness at your loss…

My eyes fill with sorrow, my face is relaxed and my tears fall into my coffee without resistance, the essence of me is here to greet your memory.

Outside the air is fresh and the birds are arriving to remind me that time moves us forward.

Inside normalcy is trying to intrude on my innermost visitation to your memory, my entrance and occupation of that timeless place where I look for and tryst with you. But I am accomplished at pushing it away, behind me… go away I am busy… I am happy.

I remember the soft thickness of the hair on top of your golden head and that sweetest of places behind your ear… that one spot where the fine golden hair on your soft, soft skin felt like silk. I stroke it once again loving you, holding you in my arms and smelling your little girl smell.

The tears roll down.. my nose is running.

Nobody can ever be here with us. It is always only me and my heart breaks again into infinite pieces missing you while I spend time with your memory.

The sound of your voice echo’s in the universe of my soul.. a part of me forever your laughter and lilt bringing the image of your eleven year old brilliance blazing back into view as you race to the barn after the red pony that dumped you that day in the tall, autumn grass of your life…

Yes. I am heartbroken forever that part of me only to be mended when we are together again.

It is my promise

It is my right

It is no one else’s

Mommy