10,000 Miles

Michayla

It’s been 3,419 days since you left. How many miles, I wonder.

The morning is weighted with the loss of you.

Countenance relaxed my tears fall into my coffee like great drops of rain off the tip of a dark leaf.  

Here I am dove, my essence is here to greet your memory.

Outside the air is fresh and the birds are arriving to remind me that time moves us forward.

Inside the sense of Normal springs into action intruding on my internal visit to that timeless place where I look for and tryst with you. Go away Normal. I am adept at guarding our time together.

I remember the soft thickness of the hair on top of your golden head and that sweetest of places behind your ear… that one spot where the fine golden hair on your soft, soft skin felt like silk. I stroke it once again loving you, holding you in my arms and smelling your little girl smell.

The tears roll down.. my nose is dripping now too.

No one can ever be here with us. It is always only you and I and my heart breaks again into infinite pieces mourning you while I spend time with your precious/ memory.

The sound of your voice echo’s in the universe of my soul.. a part of me forever your laughter and lilt bringing the image of your eleven year old brilliance blazing back into view as you race to the barn after the red pony that dumped you that day in the tall, autumn grass of your life…

Yes. I am shattered in part… forever that part of me, only to be mended when we are together again.

It is my will

It is my right

It is no one else’s

Mommy

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